You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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