I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
