I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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