there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
