New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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