we're chasing vodka with high fives
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
