Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
