my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
