dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
