I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
