About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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