I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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