I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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