You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
