Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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