i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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