My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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