we're blogging at a bar
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
