I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
