And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
