Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize