My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize