You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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