I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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