Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
