I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
