Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
