remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We got so high we made milksteak
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
