His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize