So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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