I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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