I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
