Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
