Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
