So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
