Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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