If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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