is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
