i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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