he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
