During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
