frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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