Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
