I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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