how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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