i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
