My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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