Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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