I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
