The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
