oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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