i already hear my dad disowning me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
