i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
