I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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