This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
