At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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