Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
