Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
