im about as happy as oj after his trial
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
