I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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