Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need a sexual gate keeper
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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