Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
