he wants to bone in the snuggie
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
