So drunk its hurt
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
