so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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