She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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