I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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